holtieshouse

I live in the SE part of Queensland where the climate is sub-tropical, this means fairly hot and humid in summer, thank the lord for air-conditioning and retirement which means I don't have to go out and fry anymore,

Queensland has a distinctive style of home, called Queenslanders, that suit our climate pretty well, they have wide airy verandahs, are built well of the ground for ventilation, they have high ceilings, and are constructed almost entirely of timber, add the modern insulation materials and afore mentioned air-conditioning and you have a fairly comfortable living environment.

I have had two tries at marriage but now live a single life, my first marriage of 15 years produced 4 wonderful kids, all of whom are now married with families of their own, making me Dad to 4, Granddad to 11 and Great Granddad to 2.

My second marriage of 25 years produced 25 years of pleasure and contentment so it wasn't a total waste either.

I still have a very good relationship with both my ex-wives which probably proves that I am better at being an ex than a husband.

My family are spread across this huge land, I have a daughter who lives on a large wheat/sheep property in Wudinna SA, and 3 sons who live in WA, 2 in the capital city, Perth, and 1 in Bussleton which is a large seaside town about 250 kms east of Perth.

I also have 1 sister who lives in Shepparton, Vic. this is a thriving city in central Vic.

Because of the spread of my family, and my friends too, I do a fair ammount of travelling, usually by car, so that I can call on the many folk I like to visit with along the way.

My parents have both passed away, Mum in 1977 and Dad in 2001, I'm hoping I got most of my genes from Dad as he lived to 91.

* 1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would
have been done already.

* 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more
work or find excuses.

* 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of
consideration.

* 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in
proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could
expect to receive from missing them.

* 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility
for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a
reprieve from my obligations.

* 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable
regardless of the amount of time given.

* 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle,
though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.

* 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

* 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course
I decide to change my mind.

* 10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first
step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

* 11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands
that the greater the task to be done, the more
insignificant the work that must be done prior to
beginning the greater task.

* 12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish,
but is wait/plan/plan.

* 13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget
about forever.

* 14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of
Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they
ever get it organized.

The box office.

The airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight
attendant gave the passengers the usual information
regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back
and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell,
and crew take you safely to your destination.”

Ed sitting in the eighth row thought to himself,

"Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?"

When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said
"Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"

"Yes," said the attendant,

"In fact, this entire crew is female."

"My God," said Ed, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas.
I don't know what to think of all those women up there in
the cockpit."

"That's another thing sir," said the attendant,

"We no longer call it the cock pit."

"It's the Box office."

Writing in space.

During the initial space flights, Nasa discovered that biro
pens didn't work under zero gravity conditions. To beat
the problem, Nasa spent 6 years and $2 million in
designing a pen for use in space. The pen would work
under zero gravity conditions due to the pressurized ink
inside, it would work under sub zero conditions,
underwater, on glass and virtually any surface known
to man.

The Russians used a pencil!

My debut performance

This is my first solo flight using blog.com.uk as my vehicle of choice, while I am no stranger to blogging I am still finding my way around this new layout.

Let's try a joke. 

Do you know me Mrs Jones

Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the worst answer.
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was a grand motherly, elderly woman.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned.

Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both councilors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you b*st*rds asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you in jail for contempt